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Actually, this Compagnie Africaine d'Aviation passenger plane yesterday missed the runway in eastern Congo. But it's Friday afternoon. And this is what the CAA jet would probably look like. I'm no comedian. What's your best caption?
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Title Studio Gross 1 Alice In Wonderland Disney $62.7 M 2 Green Zone Universal $14.3 M 3 Shes Out Of My Leag Paramount $9.8 M 4 Shutter Island Paramount $8.1 M 5 Remember Me Summit $8.1 M 6 Our Family Wedding Fox $7.6 M 7 Avatar Fox $6.5 M 8 Brooklyns Finest Overture $4.5 M 9 Cop Out Warner $4.3 M 10 The Crazies Overture $3.7 M 11 Percy Jackson Fox $3.1 M 12 Crazy Heart Fox $3.0 M 13 The Blind Side Warner $1.6 M 14 Valentines Day Warner $1.4 M 15 Ghost Writer Summit $1.2 M 16 Dear John Sony $1.0 M 17 Tooth Fairy Fox $0.7 M 18 Alvin And Chipmunks Fox $0.5 M 19 Last Station SPC $0.4 M 20 The Wolfman Universal $0.4M SOURCE: RENTRAKBox Office Poll
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RT @mflemingjr: Fleischer Eyes `30 Minutes Or Less' http://bit.ly/cBNpEYAbout 2 hours agoRSS Feeds
Pilot: “Damn, Michael Ovitz left us with too much baggage.”
“We had no choice. We had to eat all of the assistants to survive.”
You win!
“Don’t worry. We’ll make all the assistants clean it up and THEN fire them.”
Finally!
“I told you we should have signed Sully Sullenberger away from UTA.”
Classic.
BRILLIANT!
“Told you Travolta isn’t worth it.”
Who knew the death star would fall and crash to earth as a passenger jet?
“This is not what I had in mind when I said merger.”
The combined weight of their huge egos brought the plane down! Waka waka waka!
When I said this pilot is gonna crash and burn this is NOT what I was talking about!!
And we thought WME was in deep shit!
Monday, we sign Sully.
Houston, the ego has landed
REPORTER: Sir, I’m sorry to tell you that the CAA plane crashed… and your parents, your wife, and all of your children were burned beyond recognition.”
ACTOR: What?!? My agent came to see me??
CAA publicist: What about ‘on the rocks’ don’t you understand?
Down, but not out.
On cell phone, to assistant: “We crashed: You’re fired. But wait… [Looking out the window] First get me Arnon Milchan… I think we can make some money here.”
GENIUS
Exactly!
“And this is why we should have taken the Star Destroyer when we leave the Death Star…”
WME strikes again!
“Dammit, I knew Ari was fucking with us!”
Here’s a snapshot of an easter egg from the “District 9″ dvd. If you look closely, you not only see why Neill chose WME, but also R2-D2 in the rubble.
Due to the economy, the yearly retreat will be a little different this year.
Who the f**k let Ari hijack this thing?
New assistants, ALL ABOARD!
Even the pilot was a result of nepotism…
What I Really Want To Do Is Destruct
“Do you guys validate?”
“Who let Maverick fly? This ain’t no movie!”
http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/2007/09/23-End/tom-cruise-4.jpg
But your luggage flew free.
Oh, perfect…ANOTHER excuse to not return my calls.
We’re going to need a bigger plane.
Bryan: Listen douchebag, I said nothing about Pilot Season and wanting a new 30 Rock. I told you get a seasoned pilot or we’ll hit the rocks you stupid fuck.
Still beats working for WME.
Goddamnit, Richard. You missed the WME building!
Pilot to navigator: “I said aim for the WME2 building.”
“CAA makes a killing while signing new talent”
“I don’t give a shit HOW hot she is! You do NOT let Jessica Biel “park” the plane! – JESUS!”
“When I said in the staff meeting that WME was a sinking ship, that was NOT an invitation to one-up them you idiot!”
One of the press junkets for “2012″.
“Hi it’s Jeff Berg. Just want to let you know that the ICM jet has never had so much as an oil leak. You’re still not interested in coming here? Ok, I promise never to call you again.”
Assistant: “Hey Mr. Huvane, we’ve made it…which kid Angelina want?”
“I’ll tell them we were reviewing the new schedules rather than checking the New Moon grosses on Nikki Finke”
The last time I saw this many snakes on a plane Samuel L. Jackson was shooting at them.
“Hey, who the fuck let Andy Elkin fly this thing?”
“Runway, who needs a fuckin’ runway in this business? Okay, I get it, let’s start validating valet parking out front….”
F***in’ Ari.
The in-flight movie was “Avatar.”
Ex Clients burying grounds.
“Who was the douchebag who let Ari onboard?”
“You crash-landed our jet onto the set of the District 9 sequel? You were suppose to try to sign Peter Jackson, not fuck-up his movie!”
Uh….’scuse me….we’re here to pick up Angelina Jolie?
“When he gets back in will you tell Mr. Eisner that this is Mike Ovitz, and I’m here for my first day of work per his directions.”
Now CAA representing airlines. Hmmm…?
What do you mean you don’t validate? Do you know who the fuck I am?
“Well, that was still a softer landing than Ovitz had.”
News Reporter: “Do you think this is the work of terrorists?”
FAA Chief: “Terrorists? Why would they shoot down their own plane?”
Holy crap! We’re gonna miss Bill Haber’s violin solo again!!!
I am guessing this plane landed like this when it heard Oprah’s news.
Snakes on a Plane.
a witness saw Ari Emanuel leavng the control tower
Do you think they’ll validate parking?
Looks like Nicolas Cage’s career !!!
“Fortunately all the passengers were talent agents so no human beings were actually hurt.”
Previously, on LOST.
“Bryan, I told you we shouldn’t have bought those refurbished MGM jets…”
CAA does not know that many black people.
Next time let’s NOT tell John Travolta Oprah’s quitting while he’s flying the damn plane.
Who’s that guy who flew the plane onto the Hudson River? We’re signing him.
Major assistant to minor assistant: “When Bryan says shoot the f*cking pilot, he don’t mean SHOOT THE F*UCKING PILOT!!!
Even our plane is trying to screw the world.
Mile high club CAA style.
Celebrities and children first!!!!
In an undated photo from 1995, authorities locate Michael Ovitz’s personal plane, but his disappearance still remains a mystery.
Toldja parking was bad at Century City.
There are terrible problems in the Eastern Congo and in Goma where this plane crashed. . Rape is an epidemic and women there are being brutalized. To make this kind of joke about this plane that had an accident with casualties in an area with very little medical care and civil war is a big mistake. The DRC is a struggling nation and it is a miracle that this country has an airline. This is is really bad taste and what is wrong with Hollywood.
I can’t believe it took 89 comments before someone said this. Thank you.
Do we not realize the people in that photograph are HUMAN BEINGS? Even I know this, and I write comedy…
Thank you. This thread is shameful.
Whatever. The bigger tragedy here is all these hacks repeating the same three jokes.
I heard that Oprah demanded CAA donate the corporate jet to a small African village or she would retire. Bryan Lourd got the last laugh by making her try to fly it there herself. Do you really think an agent wouldn’t negotiate?
Forget about the black box, grab the buck slips with all the client names.
“Hey, it’s okay to make jokes about a plane crash in Africa that injured people as long as there were no Americans on board”.
Thank goodness everyone who really counts already bailed out!
Con Artist Air
This is coming out of your ten percent!
Another pilot from NBC.
for the win!
Ten minutes. We show our faces at Oprah’s school then we’re outta here.
Phone Receptionist: Thank you for calling CAA. All of our Agents are currently unavailable right now. Please call back in ten.
CAA signs Congo.
OK, who didn’t shut off their cell phone?
“Well, Bryan does like to make an entrance…”
“Please use your assistant as a floatation device.”
“sorry, we don’t validate ambulances anymore”
Assistant #1 Where’s your boss?
Assistant #2 Oh, he has his final flying test today.
Assistant #1 I thought he had you taking the lessons for him?
Assistant #2 He did, but I take EXCELLENT notes, he’ll be fine.
Assistant standing on wing shouting into megaphone: Thanks everyone for coming out, but no unsolicited submissions, PLEASE!
We have changed our name:
Creative Airline Accidents
Well, how else do you think we got that big hole in the building.
“You’ll never prepare a perfect glass of cucumber water, find a hardcopy of Japanese Vogue from May, 1988, buy a guinea pig a birthday present or book me a flight in this town ever again! You’re fired!”
They moved it to Lifetime? No wonder I couldn’t find Project Runway.
CON AIR