The Emmys begin at 5 PM PT today… Come for the cynicism… Stay for the subversion… Add your comment… Check out all our coverage… Nikki will be live-snarking. Nellie will be analyzing. Ray will be interrogating. Deadline will be photographing.

Warning: Not for the easily offended or ridiculously naive.

Emmy Scorecard: Drama Series Category
Emmy Scorecard: Comedy Series Category
Emmy Scorecard: Lead Drama Actors
Emmy Scorecard: Lead Drama Actresses
Emmy Scorecard: Lead Comedy Actors
Emmy Scorecard: Lead Comedy Actresses
2010 Creative Arts Emmy Winners (LIVE)
62nd Primetime Emmy Nominees

The 62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards from the Academy Of Television Arts & Sciences will begin began from the Nokia Theatre in Downtown Los Angeles… Starts with a filmed piece featuring Jimmy Fallon, Glee‘s Chris Colfer and Jane Lynch and other cast members, Tina Fey, Kate Gosselin, Joel McHale, even Betty White, and that Lost dude. And who knew Jon Hamm can sing? As I’d already told you, the big opening number featured host Jimmy Fallon coming out alone with an electric guitar and singing/playing “Born to Run.” Then he is joined by Randy Jackson from American Idol on bass. Then by a dance troupe consisting of Mad Men‘s Jon Hamm, 30 Rock‘s Tina Fey, Community/Talk Soup‘s Joel McHale, and Glee‘s Chris Colfer and Jane Lynch. And that newly buxom blonde Kate Gosselin. Robin Antin, creator of the Pussycat Dolls, was choreographing. (“I left at 5 PM. I think it’s going to take a lot more time to whip the number into shape,” my insider predicted yesterday. He was right.) It was a train wreck as a dance number, but a lot of fun nonetheless because of Fallon’s energy.

More guitar-playing by Jimmy? Jeez, enough is enough with the bad coffee house act. Is this the 1970s?

Ah, the first anti-NBC joke. “NBC asked the host of Late Night to come to L.A. to host a different show. What could possibly go wrong?” host Jimmy Fallon asks in his opening monologue. And the camera zooms in on a pained-looking Conan O’Brien in a red beard.

All these sound effects and explosions on that garish set. Did anyone tell executive producer Don Mischer it’s not the 1980s?  I half-expect the Village People to come onstage.

Wait, there’s Amy Poehler, one of the funniest women on earth, and the idiots at NBC and ATAS don’t even let her say anything.

Jon Hamm and Betty White are a presenting pair. Huh? “How about that sexual chemistry in that opening number?” Hamm asks her. “How about that sexual chemistry in that changing room?” White responds. You’d think the writers could have really done better than that flat innuendo with these two. Why can’t these awards shows ever have actual comedy?

First Emmy for ABC/20th TV’s Modern Family…

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series
Eric Stonestreet as Cameron Tucker 
Modern Family • ABC • Twentieth Century Fox Television

That backstage color commentator is not even funny. And broadcast TV wonders why everyone is fleeing to cable… or video games. Who wouldn’t rather kill and maim rather than be tortured by lame lines.

Jim Parsons has such a great quality. I’m a sucker for The Big Bang Theory and his delivery. I know it’s cool to hate Chuck Lorre, but I love this show.

Another win for Modern Family. This is producing/writing partners Steve Levitan’s 2nd Emmy and Christopher Lloyd’s 7th (did I hear that right?) They met atop the Empire State Building. What, their sitcoms had been passed over and they were planning to jump? (“Jeff Zucker, this is your fault!) Wait, where’s Lloyd? Levitan is alone. (Later, backstage, Levitan said this about Lloyd: “He has an aversion to crowds and public speaking. We will celebrate at the Governors Ball.”

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series
Steven Levitan, Writer
Christopher Lloyd, Writer
Modern Family • Pilot • ABC • Twentieth Century Fox Television

It’s been said about Steve Levitan that he’s the only Jew in Hollywood who’s a 44 Long. He thanks Steve McPherson “and everybody still at ABC”. Love it. “A big thanks to our wives, without whom we’d probably be dating around a lot. We just won an Emmy. That’s a pretty good opening line.” Then he gets serious that  Modern Family “will always be a love letter” to his wife. Where’s Lloyd?

I wish Stephen Colbert was as funny as he thinks he is. “I’m not one of those guys who thinks that women can’t be funny. In fact, I think some of the greatest comedic performances of all time have been female roles. Just look at John Travolta in Hairspray, or Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie, or how can we forget Tom Hanks in Bosom Buddies. (Camera zooms in on Hanks smiling strangely.) “Madame, you still look lovely as ever. How do you keep your figure?”

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series
Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester
Glee • FOX • A Ryan Murphy TV Production in association with 20th Century Fox TV

Jane Lynch could make reading the phone book entertainment. “This is outlandish. I want to thank my parents for raising us to the sounds of musical theater and being so unintentionally funny.” Somehow she works Buddhists into her speech. (“They seem like very calm people.”) And to the young Glee cast, she says, “When I’m not seething with jealousy, I’m very proud of you.”

20th TV’s Dana Walden and Gary Newman are really cleaning up tonight…

I’m still waiting for Fallon to generate one real laugh.

Poor Matthew Perry and Lauren Graham. I feel their pain over having to say that gay joke.

Neil Patrick Harris mimicking Betty White’s two-handed air kiss was a moment.

Outstanding Directing For A Comedy Series
Ryan Murphy, Director
Glee • Pilot – Director’s Cut • FOX • A Ryan Murphy TV Production in association with 20th Century Fox TV

This was Ryan Murphy’s 4th Emmy nomination and first win. Drinking game every time Dana and Gary are mentioned. Tomorrow there’ll be plenty of Hollywood talk about whether Glee is really a comedy or a dramedy. Does it matter? Because ATAS voters just like to reward anything edgy on a broadcast network. (Remember, broadcast TV still employs a controlling number of the voters, and they tend to honor their own. But since edgy shows are few and far between on the alphabet networks, many awards do go to cable.)

Next year, turn the Emmys over to the Modern Family writers room. That filmed bit was like a shot of oxygen in the suckfest Emmys so far.  Loved how the asshole exec suggests  crossover and 3D episodes and suddenly Stewie Griffin appears along with a cameo by George Clooney. (But he’s being awarded tonight by ATAS so he was bribed to play along.)

Would somebody please muzzle that backstage announcer and his moronic commentary? What, is he Jeff Zucker’s brother-in-law? (Nope, he’s John Hodgman, as I later found out. He looked different.)

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series
Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper
The Big Bang Theory • CBS • Chuck Lorre Productions, Inc. in association with Warner Bros. Television

Parsons had to win since his submitted episode, “The Pants Alternative”, was a drunk scene. “Some of you apparently voted for me. That was very sweet,” Parson said, seemingly in character. Alec Baldwin didn’t even bother to show up tonight. Because he knew what we all did: that nobody in the TV Academy was going to award NBC network anything scripted after the way Jeff Zucker fucked up the last TV pilot development season with his failed Leno-in-primetime experiment. It’s a de facto boycott.

Peter Roth wins one.

Neil Patrick Harris comes out. “I’d just like to take the time to thank the Academy for allowing a gay man to host the Emmys 2 years in a row. Congratulations, Jimmy, you’re doing a great job.” Gay joke, after gay joke, after gay joke. Is this NBC’s and ATAS’s idea of humor? Maybe back in the 1960s. Don Mischer, time check yourself.

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series
Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton
Nurse Jackie • Showtime • Showtime Presents, Lionsgate Television, Jackson Group Entertainment, Madison Grain Elevator, Inc. & Delong Lumber; A Caryn Mandabach Production

It’s her 8th Emmy nomination, the first 6 having come for The Sopranos and another for a guest stint on 30 Rock. The Academy loves her. Her submitted episode was the Nurse Jackie pilot. This is her 4th Emmy win. Either she or Toni Collete had this in the bag. “Oh, this is just the most ridiculous thing that’s ever ever happening in the history of this awards show… I’M NOT FUNNY!” Nice shoutout to her ICM agent Toni Howard.

Wow, but Kim Kardashian can NOT sing. Not even a little.

OK, joining gay jokes are endless women jokes. I’m waiting for the black jokes and Latino jokes and Asian jokes. Because that’s what constitutes funny on NBC, the network that’s bringing you the extreme bad taste sitcom Outsourcing this fall.

Outstanding Reality – Competition Program
Top Chef • Bravo • Magical Elves, Bravo
Dan Cutforth, Executive Producer
Jane Lipsitz, Executive Producer
Liz Cook, Executive Producer
Casey Kriley, Executive Producer
Andrew Cohen, Executive Producer
Dave Serwatka, Executive Producer
Rich Buhrman, Co-Executive Producer
Gayle Gawlowski, Co-Executive Producer
Fred Pichel, Co-Executive Producer
Tom Colicchio, Co-Executive Producer
Nan Strait, Co-Executive Producer
Erica Ross, Supervising Producer
Julia Cassidy, Senior Producer

Whaaaat, The Amazing Race didn’t win for the 118th time? I don’t know who watches that show since sitting in an airport like those contestants do for hours is my idea of hell. Anyway, last season’s Top Chef was second only to that head-shaving episode from a previous year.  

Julianna Margulies singing? Keep your day job, girlfriend.

More network bashing by Fallon. “These stars of Law & Order: SVU earlier this year teamed up to save the most special victim of all: the 10 PM time slot on NBC.”

Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series
Mad Men • Shut The Door. Have A Seat. • AMC • Lionsgate Television
Matthew Weiner, Writer
Erin Levy, Writer

You may recall that at last year’s Emmys, another young female writer who started out as a trainee tried to claim credit for the episode she supposedly wrote with him. And Weiner fired her not long after. So, Erin Levy, you may not be employed by Mad Men for more than a month or two. This is still the best written drama on TV, so I guess Weiner can be a complete asshole all he wants and ATAS will still reward him.

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series
Aaron Paul as Jesse Pinkman
Breaking Bad • AMC • Sony Pictures Television

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series
Archie Panjabi as Kalinda Sharma
The Good Wife • CBS • CBS Productions

If Sharon Gless or Christina Hendricks didn’t win, then I’m glad Archie Panjabi did. It’s her first Emmy nomination, and she’ll have many more. I think she’s the best thing about this show. I just wish her speech hadn’t been so canned.

Yes, I’ve fallen behind in my live-blogging. That’s because too many people are phoning me from backstage at The Emmys. DON’T!

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series
Bryan Cranston as Walter White
Breaking Bad • AMC • Sony Pictures Television

He’s won two years running, so this makes his 3rd. “First thought: in the time it took me to walk up here I venture there were 200 text messages to my fellow nominees saying, ‘You were robbed.’” Bryan Cranston is the real deal. Yet he wasn’t the heavy favorite to win this year: Michael C Hall was. And Breaking Bad‘s ratings are still micro. But when ATAS voters find somebody they like, they keep giving him Emmys.

Be sure and catch those NBC fall show promos, America, because except for football this is probably the last time you’ll be watching this network. Though there’s better show development this fall — or should I say, at least some development  period, unlike last season — it may not matter unless NBC can start attracting more households. It’s not just about demos, it’s also about eyeballs.

Outstanding Directing For A Drama Series
Steve Shill, Director
Dexter • The Getaway • Showtime • Showtime Presents, John Goldwyn
Productions, The Colleton Company, Clyde Phillips Productions

Yes, Jimmy, we know you’re musical. Yes, we know you can mimic Elton John and other musicians. And, yes, Jimmy, you’re not a bad host. There, I said it. Oscars, take note: if you have someone talented emceeing the show, don’t overcomplicate the production numbers. Just let him do his thing if he does it well.

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series
Kyra Sedgwick as Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson
The Closer • TNT • The Shephard/Robin Company, in association with Warner Bros. Television

This was truly unexpected. Glenn Close and Julianna Margulies were the clear frontrunners. But perhaps those news reports about Kyra and Kevin being victimized by Bernie Madoff softened ATAS hearts. And her nominated episode co-starred her real life daughter Sosie. But Sedgwick is better than she has to be in this show. Plus, she’s been nominated 5 consecutive years for an Emmy. She was due.

Outstanding Writing For A Variety, Music Or Comedy Special
Dave Boone, Writer
63rd Annual Tony Awards • CBS • White Cherry Entertainment

Boone gave shoutouts to both Jay Leno and Billy Crystal.

Ricky Gervais comes out and says he’s “saving all the really offensive stuff for the Golden Globes”. Small slams at Russell Crowe and keifer Sutherland. BIG slam at Mel Gibson “who’s been through a lot… Not as much as the Jews.” Cue the beer product placement. “The Office is in syndication. Those are on me.” later we find out it was nonalcoholic.

Outstanding Directing For A Variety, Music Or Comedy Special
Bucky Gunts, Director
Vancouver 2010 Olympic Winter Games Opening Ceremony • NBC • NBC Olympics

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart • Comedy Central • Central Productions, LLC

So the ATAS wusses didn’t have the balls to give it to Conan. (Nice touch Emmys, intro’ing O’Brien’s Tonight Show with a scene of a building being blow up, followed by a TV test pattern.) Jon Stewart didn’t even appear but that’s because the show keeps winning this category so why should he bother? Jeez.

George Clooney is given the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award for “using the power of television to raise money where it’s needed the most”. Clooney talks about the benefits of celebrity and points out that “bad behavior sucks up all the attention in the press” but “when a disaster happebs, everybody in this room wants to help”. He asks for a bright person to “try to find a way to keep the spotlight on these heartbreaking situations long after the cameras go away”.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Julia Ormond as Eustacia (Temple’s Mom)
Temple Grandin • HBO • A Ruby Films, Gerson Saines Production in association with HBO Films

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie
David Strathairn as Dr. Carlock
Temple Grandin • HBO • A Ruby Films, Gerson Saines Production in association with HBO Films

Strathairn is such a class act in such an unclassy biz. Good for him.

That was Jewel singing an original song to accompany the obits. Let me know whom the TV Academy forgot since there’re always some…

Maura Tierney looks great considering what she’s been through.

Outstanding Writing for a Miniseries, Movie or a Dramatic Special
Adam Mazer, Writer
You Don’t Know Jack • HBO • Bee Holder, Cine Mosaic and Levinson/Fontana Productions in association with HBO Films

Mazer came up with the funniest line of the whole night: “Jack Kevorkian, I’m so grateful you’re my friend. But I’m even more grateful you’re not my physician.” Get him to write next year’s show, people. (As they say, death is easy. Comedy is hard.)

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Claire Danes as Temple Grandin
Temple Grandin • HBO • A Ruby Films, Gerson Saines Production in association with HBO Films

How the hell am I supposed to snark when many of tonight’s winners actually deserve their awards? ATAS is playing a cruel joke on me. Says Danes, “Thank you HBO. Like, for serious.” Moving moment when Temple stood up to accept her acknowledgement.

Outstanding Directing For A Miniseries, Movie Or A Dramatic
Mick Jackson, Director
Temple Grandin • HBO • A Ruby Films, Gerson Saines Production in association with HBO Films

So I’m not the only one who found The Pacific overly long and repetitive. Nice sweep for Temple Grandin and You Don’t Know Jack. Or is it a backlash against Tom Hanks?

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Al Pacino as Dr. Jack Kevorkian
You Don’t Know Jack • HBO • Bee Holder, Cine Mosaic and Levinson/Fontana Productions in association with HBO Films

“I wouldn’t be here without Barry,” Pacino said about director/producer Levinson. And thanked the hair and makeup guys, which was unusual “because they really helped me”. Shoutout to Chris Andrews at CAA. Also acknowledges Jack Kevorkian, who is in the audience and stands up. (Jack, give me a call later. I have some Hollywood types I’d like you to meet/treat.)

Outstanding Miniseries
The Pacific • HBO • Playtone and Dreamworks in association with HBO Miniseries

Considering there were only two nominations, of course the 10-part miniseries made for a staggering $200M won. Like, duh. I loved Band Of Brothers. But this was no Band of Brothers. The Pacific WWII vets deserved better. Just because something costs a lot, doesn’t make it good.

Outstanding Made For Television Movie
Temple Grandin • HBO • A Ruby Films, Gerson Saines Production in association with HBO Films

When Temple Grandin hugged Gerson Saines, I started tearing up.

Tom Selleck and Jimmy Fallon in matching white dinner jackets. They looked like two refrigerators hugging.

Outstanding Drama Series
Mad Men • AMC • Lionsgate Television

“So where was I?” Matthew Weiner asked. He’s not lacking for hubris. But the show is damn good (although I’m not sure about where this latest season is heading. It has a more shallow feel to it.) Dexter also should have won — hey, a tie –  but the TV Academy may never reward a show with a serial killer as hero.

Outstanding Comedy Series
Modern Family • ABC • Twentieth Century Fox Television

Dana’s and Gary’s 20th TV rule the Emmys along with HBO. (Are you drunk yet from the drinking game?) This was not unexpected. In fact, either Modern Family or Glee was a shoo-in. Levitan is such a hoot. Thanks the writing staff by saying, “Chris and I get so much credit for what is often their amazing work, and I just want to say, ‘That’s Hollywood, dudes.’” But, again, where’s Lloyd?

And that’s over for the show and out from me. I’ll be fixing any typos. And I’ll be monitoring your comments. All in all, not a horrible show that made me want to claw my eyeballs. But not a good show, either. So-so.

Editor-in-Chief Nikki Finke - tip her here.