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UPDATE: Charlie Sheen was caught by a TMZ crew while out and about today and sent Chuck Lorre a video response: “Chuck, I will outlive you. I will piss you off, ” he said before adding “I miss you, man” and urged Lorre to “get off those other shows” and return to Men.
PREVIOUS: Continuing an old tradition going back to Cybill, Chuck Lorre uses the vanity cards at the end of his shows to muse about life and showbiz. He has drawn attention several times when CBS censored some of his write-ups, which are all available in their original form at chucklorre.com. And, over the past year, Lorre has made subtle references to the troubled personal life of Two and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen in vanity cards while largely keeping mum beyond that. But, last night, at the end of the final fresh episode (for now) of the sitcom, which has been idle while its main star undergoes rehab, Lorre said this about the actor who has made mega-millions for the executive producer, and vice versa. Here is the card:
CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #329
I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I’ve had chest x–rays, cardio stress tests, EKG’s and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.
If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I’m gonna be really pissed.
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I love Chuck Lorre.
Hilarious!!!!! And true.
Love your sense of humor, Chuck…but. aren’t Charlie’s behavior and subsequent impact from his actions both professional and personal…killing you now?
I hope not, but I have to believe your stress must be pushing maximum levels, while Charlie is so messed up…he is probably oblivious to it all.
Best thing I’ve heard all day.
Perhaps instead of taking cheeky pokes at Sheen via Vanity Cards, Lorre, WB and CBS should have been doing more to get Sheen straightened out? I mean, really, they’ve been turning a blind eye for years.
One can’t help but get the feeling that Chuck Lorre wants to live just long enough to take a nice long leak on Charlie Sheen’s grave.
Haha god Chuck must be stupid. They wrote the fucking show based on Charlie’s life. They always knew Charlie could fall of the wagon. Chuck, WB and CBS just need to shut the fuck up or they will loose MILLIONS when Charlie don’t want to come back.
guys, its a joke. and i guarantee you when Charlie gets out of rehab, he will find this joke very funny. Comedy is dark, get over it!
The writers are already hard at work trying to incorporate this joke into the first fresh episode upon Sheen’s return. John Cryer is practicing his lines in the mirror daily.
Chuck, I am so with you,
These guys are Sheen’s enablers. It’s not funny. If he’d had a regular job he’d have been fired years ago and fired from his next job and out on the street or whatever it took for him to reach rock bottom. They could still have some leverage with him, maybe if they gave him an ultimatum that they’d stick with but Sheen probably wouldn’t even believe them because there’s so much money at stake, they’d never stick with it. This guy should be ashamed at making a joke like that, it surely isn’t a case of whether Sheen eventually dies years from now. That’s just sick.
Actually, if Sheen had a “real” job, he wouldn’t have had any repercussions, as by all accounts, Sheen was on the set on time and performing his job at a more than acceptable manner. The world knew of Charlie Sheen’s escapades precisely because he doesn’t have a “real” job. If he were just some average joe, no one would have cared what he did or who he did it with.
Incidentally, I am no HR person or labor lawyer, but I am pretty sure you can’t be fired for going into rehab, which appears to be the only thing Sheen did that hurt the production of Two and a Half Men.
I am a labor lawyer. If he were a non union employee, he could have been fired for any reason at all that doesn’t violate Title VII.
Hey labor lawyer, does the Americans with Disabilities act apply here? But anyhow, he is SAG, so balls in his court.
> he is in SAG
*RTFLMAO* yea they want to get involved in this little fiasco. Do you really think CS has a typical SAG contract? Wake up.
No work, no pay. Show canceled, paycheck gone. Surely the Lorre clan was not stupid enough to give personal or pay-for-play guarantees to this bozo.
BTW, even Union workers (not Government, obviously) can be fired also. Union types (and greasy low life pond scum, err Lawyers) love to make it sound more difficult that it is.
I agree with you. Sheen is an actor who was allowed to get away with too much. He had/has a disease. It should have been addressed. He could have been given a leave of absence from the show to clean up instead of allowing him to work until he went over the edge. Anyone else with a disease would have been given a chance to heal; Lorre is holding too much annimosity for a man of his positon. To make matters worse, the new show is void of emotion. Sheen played a good uncle to the kid who refers no respect back toward him since he is deceased. The mother’s reaction is void of emotion and the brother is the same. This is a comedy, but try and have a little class. The new actor doesn’t click with the group *Sheens absence eliminates the substance of the show. Lorre has added a big goof to the group and it just isn’t funny anymore. Yes, Sheen, if he is well, owes a great apology for the things he said when he was sick and Lorre should do some quick rewriting, if possible, to bring Sheen back. This show will not last. Grow up boys……give the audience what they want so your ratings stay as high as they WERE.
Chuck,
People like Charlie Sheen out live everyone. Just ask Keith Richards.
This is true. It’s something to do with Karma and equaling the balance of the stars.
Titee.
Yeah, just ask Brian Jones.
I’m reminded of that old SNL short film of John Belushi as an old man at a graveyard, saying something along the lines of, “and everyone thought I’d be the first to die.”
Keith Richards aside (and anyway, his talent died in ’73), as a rule, if people think someone is gonna die soon, they often die soon.
Can we get this man an Emmy already? He deserves one…
I enjoy Chuck’s work but I kind of have to chuckle at the irony of his top show being about the very things he’s railing against here (and calling Charlie Sheen out for).
And while Charlie might have been showing up to work on time and performing his duties, you can’t deny he’s looking tired, aged and weathered now on the show. You can see that his lifestyle is taking its toll.
There are a lot (and I mean a lot!) of writers who once worked for/with Chuck who hope Sheen outlives him. Honestly, if there is a more loathsome man in Hollywood I’d like to meet him. And I’d like to meet him so I can explain how Chuck beats him in the Dept of Loathsome Human Beings.
Every time Lorre’s name gets mentioned on Deadline some traumatized writer puts up a PTSD post, but nobody ever gives details. What *is* it that makes Lorre so very especially awful, ’cause, let’s face it, he’s got a lot of competition for the Most Loathsome Statuette. What you would put on his clip reel?
I love this. Hopefully Chuck’s at that point where he realizes he’s already got more money than God, this can be filed in the “WGAF” (who gives a fuck) category and all he can really do is laugh at it (since it’s out of his control and therefore not worth stressing over).
Can’t you be fired for failing a drug test?
Only in the real world……
Chuck is just spinning more fiction. If his exes could speak up… the stories would make Charlie blush.
Chuck Lorre also posted a vanity card which I assume is about Charlie Sheen’s challenges at the end of Mike & Molly too, which is available on his site, #330.
CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #330
He felt dead inside.
No matter how hard he partied, he could never escape that simple fact – inside, dead.
And that was his life.
Running from a feeling.
At least until he could run no more.
Exhausted, spent and beaten, when the end finally came, he welcomed it.
With life ebbing from his wasted body, he was suddenly swept up in a transcendent state of joy that was pure and complete.
Moments later he felt dead inside.
Shouldn’t the last line read “If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I’m gonna be really dead.”?
I sure hope that when I’m dead, I’m beyond caring about random other strangers on this planet.
Let Lorre stick to the writing. Okay?
And let Sheen stick to the drug abuse. Okay?
I for one don’t think it should’ve ended with the line that you suggested, Nathan. Mostly because I think Chuck Lorre was going for humor… not metaphysical accuracy.
And you’re next sentence is just downright confusing… Lorre and Sheen have spent almost every day together for 7 years or something. What random strangers are you referring to? I really don’t mean to nit-pick but jeez… your comment-roadbump was jarring as hell.
Does Sheen were a hair piece on the show…if so its noticable.
If it’s so noticeable, then why do you need to ask if he’s wearing a piece?
Chuck must have been at the dentist when Charlie turned into a cokehead.
Loosen up Chuck. Have a beer, smoke some weed and you’ll probably live longer.
Seems to me, CBS and Chuck Lorre have had a hand in enabling Sheen’s behavior. If TPTB seriously want Sheen in rehab, it’s going to take more than 30 days and out. Either they want him in rehab, or they don’t want to give up the money they make from their cash cow.
Much funnier than the last 8,000 episodes of 2/12 Men
Um not to burst the bubble but guys it was a joke. Charlie already responded to the statement and even he knew it was a joke. he wasn’t trying to exploit Charlie at all.
I think it’s funny that everyone sits here and puts him down for his way of life, but don’t we all tune in every Monday night to watch Charlie Harper do the same thing? I don’t condone what Charlie sheen does but put yourself in his shoes, he gets the ratings every week for being a drunk who sleeps with hookers, but when he does it in real life everyone thinks he’s a joke, really leave the guy alone let him do whatever he needs to do to get back on track, I love the show and I can’t wait for it to be back on:)