Chuck Lorre’s TV vanity cards are coming to a bookstore near you. Simon & Schuster announced today that the executive producer of CBS’ Two and a Half Men, Big Bang Theory and Mike & Molly has signed a book deal with them. Simon & Schuster, a division of CBS Corporation, will publish the blurbs and musings that Lorre has been putting up for seconds at the end of his various shows since 1997. The coffee table What Doesn’t Kill Us, Makes Us Bitter comes out in October 2012 and will cost $100, with all proceeds going to the Dharma-Grace Foundation that Lorre set up in 1999 to help offer free medical care. During Charlie Sheen’s public war of words with Lorre in early 2011, the vanity cards became the Two and a Half Men co-creator’s outlet back at his former leading man. In one card played after a February 2011 episode of Men, Lorre responded to the actor by noting his own good health and lack of vice and concluded, “If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I ‘m gonna be really pissed.” Not long after Lorre said he would discontinue the cards but they are still after his shows. While the vanity cards have been available online for a while and can be seen by anyone fast with the freeze button on their remote, this is the first publication of them, including several that CBS have not let the producer put on air.

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