UPDATED: Jimmy Kimmel kicked off ABC‘s upfront presentation Tuesday at NYC’s Lincoln Center with a filmed bit alongside Scandal‘s Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) and Disney/ABC TV President Anne Sweeney. The potshots at NBC also came quickly: “[ABC Entertainment President] Paul Lee isn’t really British – he’s Mexican. We think this is why Univision is beating NBC.” Here’s Kimmel’s full network-roasting upfront monologue:
“You’ve seen what we have so far. By show of hands, we’re going to let you vote one new show off our schedule. Which will it be? I’m happy to be here. I really do enjoy seeing a lot of you every year coming to New York, but I’d really rather not do the whole song and dance number again so listen, you don’t know if these shows are going to work. I don’t know if these shows are going to work. Just throw your money in these bags, we’ll pass them around and be done with it. It’s time to stop calling this an upfront and start calling it what it really is. Throwing a bunch of shit at a wall to see what sticks. And guess what, you guys are the wall.