Here's the complete transcript of Jay Leno's interview with Oprah as supplied by her show. (Mea culpa, but yesterday was such a busy news day that I failed to post it...) What's amazing is how many untruths Leno tells and the oh-woe-is-me way he tells them. (Of course he made Letterman jokes -- I posted those videos.) He thinks he deserves our sympathy because he was NBC's victim just as much as Conan was. Bullshit. Jay lost me when he decided to become NBC's pathetic doormat instead of ABC's heroic defector. O'Brien stood his ground and protected The Tonight Show's future from NBC's nitwits. His predecessors, from Steve Allen through Jack Paar and during Johnny Carson: also refused to knuckle under to the network. Only Leno didn't. Instead, he begged like a dog for The Tonight Show, and then rolled over and played dead even after Zucker canned him. Then Leno stayed with NBC and agreed to a 10 PM show doomed from the outset. Obviously, NBCU thought Conan would be just as compliant. You don't see defiance anymore from showbiz talent afraid for their future livelihoods in this downsizing entertainment community. As much as Big Media's networks and studios think they call all the shots, and in almost every case they do because they're so rich and powerful, here's one of those rare times when they couldn't push people around at will. So go cry me a river, Jay. The full transcript follows: Read More »

NBC just released these selected quotes (hey, why not the whole thing?) from "THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH CONAN O'BRIEN" MONOLOGUE from his final show tonight:

Ladies and Gentleman, we have exactly one hour to steal every single item in this studio. We’ve a had a lot of fun being here these last 7 months, but like everything in life, the fun has to come to an end a decade too early.

The terms of my settlement say that I can’t host another show for 7 months.  So next week look forward to the “Andy Richter Show” with his sidekick, me!

As I set off for exciting new career opportunities, I just want to make one thing clear to everyone listening out there: I will do nudity.

Now that this mess is almost behind me – I just have one last request: HBO, when you make the movie about this whole NBC late night fiasco, I’d like to be played by Academy-Award winning actress Tilda Swinton.

People have been asking me what’s going to happen to our studio after we’re gone.

There are actually a few possible uses for our studio being kicked around.  I thought I’d share some of the ideas with you right now:

-- Site of Tiger Woods’ 1st Annual Mistress Reunion
-- Fitting room for cast of “The Biggest Loser”
--

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Leno made the below comments regarding today's announcements at the end of tonight's monologue. The full monologue follows:

NBC and Conan O'Brien made an announcement earlier today. As many of you know Conan is leaving the network. His final show airs tomorrow night. I have chosen to stay on the Titanic. I don't believe the iceberg is that big, the biggest ship, this ship will never sink and Kev... When it does, Kev, as it's sinking, you will play for us... You'll be here for us so. Apparently, we'll be back on The Tonight Show March 1st after the Olympics, so that's pretty much where we are.

UPDATE: Here's a statement on Conan O'Brien's behalf: "In the end, Conan was appreciative of the steps NBC made to take care of his staff and crew and decided to supplement the severance they were getting out of his own pocket. Now he just wants to get back on the air as quickly as possible."

PREVIOUS: "Conan is independently paying a large amount to the staff and crew to supplement what NBC is giving them," an insider tells me. That's how the standoff which I'd been reporting for days between O'Brien and NBC was finally broken, allowing this statement to be made jointly by NBC and The ex-Tonight Show host:

NBC and Conan O'Brien have reached a resolution of the issues surrounding O'Brien's contract to host "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien.

Under terms of an agreement that was signed earlier today, NBC and O'Brien will settle their contractual obligations and the network will release O'Brien from his contract, freeing him to pursue other opportunities after September 1, 2010.

O'Brien will make his final appearance as host of "The Tonight Show" on January 22.

NBC immediately confirmed officially Leno's Tonight Show do-over at 11:35 PM beginning March 1st. He hosted the Franchise previously May 1992-May 2009:

"We're pleased that Jay is returning to host the franchise that he helmed brilliantly and successfully for many years," said Gaspin. "He is an enormous talent, a consummate professional and one of the

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"Hello, I’m Conan O’Brien, sorry if I’m a little late…I had a job interview at Lady Foot Locker. I should have known something was up when NBC sent me that 2010 calendar that only went up to January. Over the past week, ratings for The Tonight Show are up by 50%. When NBC executives heard this they told me, “See, you really don’t fit in around here.” This whole experience has been so surreal. I never thought I’d be jealous of the long, illustrious run that NBC gave Joey.

It’s been reported that before I agree to a final settlement with this network I want to make sure NBC takes care of my staff. At first they thought I was gullible – they said the staff would be taken to a big farm where they’d be allowed to run free forever. On Friday, Northwestern University is holding a “Conan O’Brien Day” where a group of students will gather on campus and do the string dance. Then the football team will beat the crap out of them.

I’ve been having a hard time explaining this whole situation to my kids – because they’re still very young. So I had a doll made of myself – and now I can show my kids EXACTLY where NBC touched daddy.

I’ve been trying to look on the bright side and make the best of a tough situation. Even though I had this job for only 7 months, in ... Read More »