Full Golden Globes Coverage:
GOLDEN GLOBES TV: Big Night For Freshmen, Pay Cable And 20th TV
Ricky Gervais Critiques His Own Performance As Golden Globes Host
Backstage At The Golden Globes
Golden Globes Studio/Network Scorecard
Golden Globes Winners List
Golden Globes Fashion: Who Wore What?
UPDATE: My live-snark of the 69th Annual Golden Globes started at 5 PM tonight based on the Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s 2012 nominations. Come for the cynicism. Stay for the subversion. Add your comment. Warning: Not for the easily offended or ridiculously naive.
The 2012 Golden Globes take place inside the Beverly Hilton Hotel ballroom at a star-studded dinner broadcast live by NBC and emceed for the 3rd time by Hollywood’s enfant terrible Ricky Gervais. Only this host can’t resist openly loathing everyone including the Hollywood Foreign Press Association putting on the show. Perhaps Christian Bale summed it up best when he took the stage last year and called the HFPA ”those oddball characters”. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: the Golden Globes are completely meaningless awards bestowed by a scandal-riddled organization on a network desperate for ratings. (More on this at the end of the post…)
I only hope that Ricky Gervais can live up to his performance last year when he ensured the meanest Golden Globes on record. NBC has been hyping him as “the host we can’t control”. Considering that NBC is in dead last place again among the networks, that’s encouraging. Bring it on, Ricky, even if Hollywood and the HFPA will hate you later. The show is about to start:
Last year Ricky wanted to come out in a Nazi uniform. He chickened out this year, too. “So where was I? Nervous?,” Gervais asked the audience. Then he immediately dissed NBC and the Golden Globes themselves. “The Golden Globes are just like the Oscars — but without all that esteem.”
This is definitely toned-down Gervais. He’s obviously been muzzled or muzzled himself. What a sell-out. Making never-was Kim Kardashian jokes is beyond easy. Same with washed-up Eddie Murphy jokes about Norbit. Ricky is too chicken to go after the bonafide Hollywood stars. Doesn’t lay a glove on Adam Sandler even though the comedian just had a big film bomb. (“Eddie Murphy and Adam Sandler played all the parts in The Help.”) And arrogant asshole James Cameron jokes. (“I’ve sat through longer James Cameron acceptance speeches” than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.) Gervais pretends he’s not cowed: “The Hollywood Foreign Press warned me if I cause any controversy whatsoever they’ll invite me back next year. He reads the rules he’s been given: “No profanity, no nudity, not to libel anyone, and I mustn’t mention Mel Gibson this year and especially not Jodie Foster’s Beaver.” With that, Jodie gives the thumbs-up sign.
This is the best Gervais can do to open the show? Incredibly stale stuff. It’s going to be a loooong night…
Gervais asks Johnny Depp if he’s on recreational drugs. “Have you seen The Tourist yet?” Johnny replies, “No”. And I believe him.
“Oh, he’s fun,” Depp mutters about Gervais.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A
SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER – BEGINNERS
Plummer affectionately calls Ewen McGregor “that scene-stealing swine”.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
LAURA DERN – ENLIGHTENED
Dern thanks Lucille Ball. Nice warmth.
BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
DOWNTON ABBEY (MASTERPIECE) – PBS – A Carnival/Masterpiece Co-production
Was there any doubt that Julian Fellowes would take this home to Britain?
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
KATE WINSLET – MILDRED PIERCE
Oh, Kate, please stop memorizing your speeches. They lose all their spontaneity. And not a word about Joan Crawford? Shame on you… Once again, HBO bought a Globe. This mini-series was tepid at best. maudlin at worst. And not Kate’s finest hours to be sure.
Really, I can’t believe how sanitized the opening half-hour of the Golden Globes has been. What happened to all the danger NBC was hyping by having Gervais host again? Real disappointment. Step it up, Ricky, or you’re yesterday’s news.
Jakes Gyllenhaal looks good out of the Witness Protection Program that has become his thwarted career.
“We’re already 5 minutes over. That’s your fault,’ Gervais says to the audience. “Keep your speeches short. Thank God and your agent. I know for a fact that God and my agent have had exactly the same input in my career.” This stuff isn’t even amateur night at the Improv stand-up worthy.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
KELSEY GRAMMER – BOSS
Kelsey thanks Starz boss Chris Albrecht for his “balls” for ordering the show without pilot or all 8 episodes. I think Kelsey won for his performance pretending to still love his soon-to-be ex-wife Camille on Bravo’s The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills.
BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
SHOWTIME Presents, Teakwood Lane Productions, Cherry Pie Productions, Keshet, Fox 21
Well the HFPA morons get at least one award right. Homeland was the best TV I’ve seen in a long, long time. Claire Danes was transformative. Damien Lewis even better than in Band Of Brothers. Mandy Patinkin not annoying like he usually is. Granted, it’s a remake of an Israeli show. But I’d follow 24‘s Howard Gordon anywhere that terrorism takes him.
What was Jimmy Fallon doing. Anybody? ANYBODY? Jimmy, stop trying so hard. At least you didn’t come out with your guitar. Calm down, sit tight, and in a year you’ll get Jay Leno’s The Tonight Show. Whether you deserve it or not. Might think about adjusting your meds, meanwhile.
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE
LUDOVIC BOURCE – THE ARTIST
This French guy from The Artist is really Bernie Rosenberg from The Bronx. He just doesn’t know it. But Harvey Weinstein does…
BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE
“MASTERPIECE” — W.E.
Music & Lyrics by: Madonna, Julie Frost, Jimmy Harry
You honestly thought the HFPA had Madonna in its audience and wouldn’t give her an award? Oh you naive people. Granted the song is pretty good. But this was bought and paid for by everyone concerned. Meanwhile, could Madonna be more irritating? Between that fake British accent and her fake humility, she’s the reason why Lady Gaga is doing a more real Madonna imitation now.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
IDRIS ELBA – LUTHER
Considering that Tyler Perry stole Elba’s Alex Cross role, this is small comfort indeed for Idris. Really, Tyler, stick to cross-dressing in your movies and holding Oprah’s handbag the rest of the time.
Seth Rogan: “I am currently trying to conceal a massive erection.” Don’t believe it’s because he’s standing next to Kate Beckinsale. It’s because he actually has an audience watching him right now since few people go to his movies anymore.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
MICHELLE WILLIAMS – MY WEEK WITH MARILYN
What a triumphant night for The Weinstein Company. (I just threw up in my mouth a little when I wrote that.) Will there be an Oscar backlash? The ‘Stop Harv’ line starts right outside the DreamWorks office (War Horse) or GK Films headquarters (Hugo). No wonder Scott Rudin is laying low this year.
Hey, if I want to see a boring awards show, I can watch the Oscars. Someone get the real Ricky Gervais onstage — and quick.
Piper Perabo and Sarah Michelle Gellar come out wearing two of the worst dresses I’ve ever seen. One looks like a Mildred Pierce bedspread. And the other looks like Wicked‘s good witch castoff. Trust me: inappropriate ballgowns on young women will never be chic.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TV
PETER DINKLAGE – GAME OF THRONES
Nice touch that even Dinklage’s own mother thought Guy Pearce would win for Mildred Pierce. I think Pearce is among the most underrated actors working today. And he was wasted in that HBO mini-series which gave him hardly anything to do. The film role was so much juicier.
I’m truly embarrassed for Ricky Gervais that he felt the need to blow so much smoke up George Clooney’s ass. It’s as if Ricky is playing a part of a host instead of actually taking control of the podium. Someone must have read him the riot act for him to remain so tame. He’s killing his career right now. If Hollywood’s enfant terrible is meek and mild, no one will care about him anymore. Bye-bye Ricky…
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN – Paramount/Columbia/Hemisphere Capital/Amblin/Wingnut Films/Kennedy/Marshall Production
Steven Spielberg gets his moment solo because Peter Jackson is back in New Zealand making The Hobbit. “I want to thank Brad Grey for his courage,” Spielberg says. Hilarious, considering that Steven et al at DreamWorks did everything they could to get Grey fired when Paramount owned them. Who has the last laugh now? Actually both men. Doing well is the best revenge. Unless Reliance pulls the plug on DreamWorks 2.0.
BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE
WOODY ALLEN – MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
No Woody. Not even a taped piece from NYC. Long sigh… Read More »